The Proposal
In planning this proposal, there's 3 objectives I want to accomplish:
- Make it a complete surprise.
- Have it be memorable.
- Outdo the time when I surprise-visited her in Turkey during her epic 44-country business trip of hers. Maybe I'll write about this someday.
I also wanted to have it look good but blundered pretty hard.
Objectives explanation
Complete surprise
Many of Serena and my friends do proposals and only a rare few are true surprises. The rest were semi-surprises or too predictable.
Not me.
So completely surprising Serena is the main challenge.
And it's a challenge because:
- Serena and I live together so I can only plan this when she's on business trips, in a meeting, exercising, or in the bathroom.
- Serena has push notifications when I make a purchase on my Capital One card.
- Serena plans everything normally since I'm a homebody and I can go out, or not. So simply my suggesting we go somewhere means that I'm proposing. This is incredibly difficult logistics if you think about it.
Have it be memorable
We're going to die someday. It'd be nice to have a very unique event so that when Serena and I are 80, we can look back to when I proposed and it's not just another day.
This means a unique experience that avoids the normal proposal tropes of:
- Doing it in some landscape / fancy place
- Proposing in a 5-star hotel
- Proposing in a fancy restaurant
- Making some decorative shrine and leading Serena there and then proposing
The definition of unique means unlike anything else that's been executed by her friends, and unlike anything we've ever experienced as a couple.
I'll sound spoiled but at this point, having known each other for 5 years, we've went to many 5-star hotels and visited many landscapes, and ate at many restaurants. So it's not anything special if I propose in any of those places.
Our experience + her friends' marriage proposal strategies cover a wide range so this presents another challenge: proposing in a way that is unusual / hasn't been done before.
Serena hates publicity, and as do I, so 1,3, and 4 is out of the question. And Serena's said that she'd be perfectly happy if I just booked a very nice hotel and proposed there.
But I wouldn't be perfectly happy leaving things on the table. It's just how I am.
I also wanted to outdo the Turkey birthday surprise.
Quick note on costs
I'll avoid talking about costs here, except for the photographer since it is somewhat immaterial. But once I describe everything, you probably will have an estimate of how much it costs. And the cost aligned with what I was budgeting / thinking about for a proposal anyway. So if you have some expectation of how much it costs, you're probably right.
1. Being stuck and ideation
Stuck
Got the ring in February of 2023.
Started thinking about proposal around April of 2023, around the time I was planning Serena's birthday trip to Disney World.
For a few months, I was very stuck. Our friends had proposed in the usual ways (just think of various ways to propose, and those are the ways that have been executed).
And so I was stuck thinking in this lens for months. The lens that references other people's proposals.
I asked ChatGPT for help but it didn't come up with anything that good. Creativity's not its strong suit. I want to post its answers here but GPT playground (which was what I used) deletes all history beyond 30 days so I'm unable to retrieve it.
Ideation
I like YouTube and this Mr. Beast video popped up on my feed one day. For the $250K vacation, he rented out the whole teamLabs by himself. Serena had already expressed interest in teamLabs before because it looked cool, but obviously proposing there sucks because it's crowds and crowds of people.
But this video opened up the possibility that I could rent the place out. The main issue is that renting out the place to Mr. Beast isn't the same as renting the place out to Angelo Wong.
Mr. Beast has Mr. Beast money, Mr. Wong doesn't.
Plus, it's not really even a money issue. I don't think they would just rent this out to anyone because of:
- Reputation / branding risk
- It's a hassle
The hassle part might be OK if you have enough money.
But anyway, I got to shoot my shot, so I spent maybe 45 minutes drafting a short email (with help of AI for wording) in their Google Forms contact to see if this was even possible.
I guess copywriting wins because after about a week or 2, they replied that I could, in fact, do it.
Solving problems
Looking good
Any girl wants to show off her proposal. So I hired a photographer. Too bad I fucked this up.
Though the museum's point is that it looks really good, so even without a photographer we managed to take some good pictures.
Push notifications
I had until the end of November to pay the invoice to book the place. But the problem is the credit card push notification. Unlike her birthday where she knew I was planning a surprise, she doesn't know I was even planning a proposal.
So I had to find a time when she was naturally away from her phone.
After weeks of waiting, she was really tired for some reason and decided to take a nap. Normally, she has her phone with her and plays with it when she takes a nap. But for some reason she just crashed in the bedroom and her phone was on the couch.
I paid teamLabs invoice, as well as a 18K yen deposit to the photographer immediately with Capital One and deleted the notifications from her phone.
Why Capital One? Because 2X points on a large invoice = lots of points.
Memorable
I think this would be memorable because it's unlike any other proposals that her friends made, or that I've heard of.
Complete surprise
I also chose teamLabs because it was in Japan. We knew since around beginning of the year that we would be going to Japan in December.
Normally, Serena plans everything. So if I suggested teamLabs, game over.
But the one special thing about this trip is that Serena's aunts and parents were coming with us.
And on those trips, the dynamic is that they plan everything. Thus, I can just contact them and have them pretend it is their idea to do a private teamLabs session and then it'd sidestep the problem of me suggesting going to teamLabs. If her parents or her aunt suggests it, then there's no way she would suspect that I'm behind it.
The shrine problem
teamLabs Planet looks really insanely good. And a lot of proposals have a shrine involved. Both for it to look good, and for the proposal to be personalized.
As beautiful as the art museum is, there's no personalization.
Additionally, it is strictly forbidden to do your own decorations at teamLabs. This restriction had me almost quit.
But I realized I can just create a personalized book to take care of the personalization issue. It also works because reading the book can prep her for the big question, as opposed to me getting down on one knee and then just jumping her (she'd likely be in shock and won't remember as much). The book allows her to read it and acclimate to the situation.
So I started working on the book in October-ish. I finished a few days before we started the whole Asia 2023 trip, and it wasn't enough time to ship the book. So I shipped it to Hong Kong instead.
But because I wanted to ask Serena's parents for permission first, and then give them the book for safekeeping, I had no choice but to ship it to my own address in Hong Kong.
Scheduling problem
I could not get a straight answer from Serena when we were with her parents and when we'd be with her aunt. Every time I asked her, she gave me a different answer. This is annoying because it made securing a date with teamLabs almost impossible.
Without her aunt or her mom, there'd be no surprise.
Originally, Serena's aunt/uncle were to join us in our October trip to Italy, but plans changed so I couldn't covertly talk with them to know the Japan dates and plan the proposal there.
But even near the payment deadline, I still could not get a straight date from Serena. But I knew that her aunt would be with us "the last few days" so I booked December 23, and hoped for the best.
2. Execution phase 1: Hong Kong / preparation
The book arrived in Hong Kong.
On Saturday, November 25 at 5:40 P.M. We saw it after eating dinner with Serena's family. Luckily, for contingency, I put my dad's name on the package and I just said:
Don't worry about it, my dad wanted me to pick up a package for him
And I packed it in the suitcase.
As long as teamLabs is booked, objectives 2 and 3 (memorable, and outdoing myself with Turkey surprise) is accomplished. Now, we have to take care of the surprise problem.
I asked Serena's parents for permission to marry her at Kikkusan. They said yes, and we got to planning. The plan's then for them to tell her aunt, who is also coming to Japan.
Her aunt would then pretend it's her idea to go to teamLabs.
I'd have a photographer lined up, along with teamLabs. The photographer would meet up with the teamLabs coordinator first, and then the teamLabs coordinator would introduce the photographer so it'd seem like it was their photographer, not one I hired.
On December 9th, Serena had to go to a wedding, so me, Serena's parents, and Serena's aunt got into a 50-minute conference call. People who will know about this proposal apriori:
- Me
- Serena's parents
- Serena's aunt
But not Serena's uncle. Serena's aunt wanted to keep it a secret to mitigate any risk.
We hatched a plan similar to the below, but the below is a more refined version / final version that was done later on:
- Photographer arrives at around 20:50 to look around and meet with teamLabs coordinator.
- Our group arrive at Dec 23, 21:05.
- Serena's aunt and our group will go to information desk and mention the teamLabs booking.
- We’ll follow teamLab's guide's lead until around 21:25 where we’ll be in private setting in Infinite Crystal where I’ll give Serena a book of memories to read. When she’s done, I’ll propose.
- We'll continue the private tour. Photographer will probably ask us to pose for pictures meanwhile.
- We’ll follow teamLab's guide's until tour is over.
I gave the customized book and ring box to Serena's dad. But not the ring.
3. Execution phase 2: Japan
In Japan, I had to give Serena's dad the ring. When Serena reads the book, I could grab the box out with the ring in it, which would make the proposal smoother.
The issue is Serena's with me the whole time and it is unnatural for me to be with her parents alone.
The only place to do a ring exchange would be an onsen. So we planned to do the exchange in one of the nights at Fuji. This is because the onsen is separated by gender so Serena can't be there.
Luckily though, we did it earlier in Kyoto because Serena went downstairs to the onsen, and I had a pretense that I'd edit some pictures for Serena's parents so I couldn't go down with her. As soon as she went down, I went to Serena's parents room and handed the ring over, which was then slipped into the box.
All the while, many of the minutia was being planned out:
- Will the photographer arrive earlier? Or at the same time?
- Answer: earlier, to meet with teamLabs coordinator first. So then he can be introduced to us as part of their marketing team.
- How will we transport the book/ring inside the museum, especially since backpacks are supposedly not allowed?
- In the private event, a small backpack is allowed inside. In the locker room at the beginning of the guided tour, we'd pretend to put our passports inside Serena's dad's backpack which has the ring/book in it. This pretense lets us have an excuse for Serena's dad to bring the backpack in. After loading the backpack, I'd offer to carry the bag for him. Serena's mom would then butt in and say that's a good idea because he tweaked his shoulder during sleeping the night before. This excuse was needed because Serena's dad has rejected my offers to carry stuff for him for the whole trip, so it'd be unnatural for him to let me carry the backpack.
- How will I propose?
- I will give Serena the book at Infinite Crystals. While she's reading the book, I will slight-of-hand the box from the backpack to my pocket. When she's done reading, I propose.
- Can we arrive later than 21:05? Earlier?
- Must arrive at 21:05 exactly.
The night before, I sent out an email finalizing the details to a thread that had the teamLabs board and the photographer in it. A few minutes later, this photographer sent me this email:
Hey Angelo, I just saw your email mentioning tomorrow, the 23rd. Is this another date you're having?
Please keep in mind our booking is for the 26th instead.
Fuck.
It turns out I had originally booked a placeholder for the 26th as the dates for teamLabs was not confirmed. And then when confirming the dates I must have not double checked, or my brain processed the "6" in 26th as Saturday.
Woops, bye bye deposit.
I asked him if he could change it to the 23rd or have some other person on the team take the 23rd instead. I also emailed a bunch of people in the morning of the 23rd to see if they can accomodate a last minute request.
All said no except one, but wanted to charge 150K yen, or about 3X of the photographer I was working with. And the photographer I was working with was already top-ranked for SEO so they're the top dog in terms of photography. Their reply to me was basically that I needed to pay 150K yen due to my having to pay for their transport, as they're in northern part of Japan.
Sensing gouging and mostly BS, I passed.
At the end of the day, we mostly wanted the memories and the photographer is a nice-to-have; the aunts/uncles/parents will have 4 iPhones that can take good pics already. The photographer was mostly to alleviate them of photo-taking duties.
4. Execution phase 3: Propose
With the photographer out of the picture, there's only the proposal to execute.
Serena's parents were originally scheduled to leave Japan on the 22nd. But then after the lunch discussion at Kikkusan, they decided to postpone it til the 23rd. As Serena's aunt was also in cahoots with this, she pretended that it was troublesome for her to join last minute because she had already booked another restaurant for the 4 of us (Serena's aunt/uncle/Serena/me).
Though to be fair, her last minute booking to another restaurant was really good, as you see in my Dec 23rd, 2023 entry.
The problem is that the dinner on the 23rd ended at around 8:00PM. And we can't really go to teamLabs until 9:05PM since other guests are still there prior to that.
Commute time's 45 minutes, so we had to do our best to stall for an extra 20 minutes. They pulled out all the tricks.
-
Serena's aunt pretended to have her pinky toe hurt. Since Serena's uncle doesn't know about the proposal yet, he proposed Ubering and other solutions, which played into the scene quite well.
-
Serena's dad had to go to the bathroom, where I followed him and did a quick rundown of which compartment in the backpack the ring/box was in.
-
Serena's mom pretended to have to change clothes.
- When we arrived, Serena's mom had Serena take photos for her, both to stall but also to keep her away from the information counter where Serena's aunt will tell teamLabs about our arrival.
Since our group still had to do the exhibits in order, I just went for the earliest one with good lighting, which is the 2nd exhibit, Infinite Crystal Universe.
While waiting for the teamLabs coordinator to come up, I was quite nervous. Not because of proposal but because I realized this whole time I've only transacted with them through email and Stripe so I had no idea if someone would actually come out. Someone did come out.
Thank goodness.
We took our shoes off and headed to the locker.
Then, we were guided into teamLabs Planets. We went through the first exhibit (black hole) and then into the 2nd. She will lead us into an area where we will take photos and will say the keywords:
Feel free to take a look around.
As a way to signal to me that it is this area that I should do the proposal in.
So I handed Serena the customized book to read, and while she was reading it, I moved the ring box from the backpack to my pocket, and handed off the backpack to Serena's mom. This was all coordinated beforehand.
When she was done reading the book, I proposed.
Afterwards, it was just constant posing for the rest of the exhibits for her family to take photos of us.
Insofar as objectives:
- Make it a complete surprise. Yes, this is unlike anything we've ever experienced.
- Have it be memorable. Yes, I think I'll remember this when I'm 80 years old and hopefully Serena will too.
- Outdo the time when I surprise-visited her in Turkey during her epic 44-country business trip of hers. Yes, I asked Serena if this was better and she said yes (she has to though, but I also think this has outdone it due to the nature of the complexity of this operation).
Anyway, at the locker room we found out that they don't rent out teamLabs often for private events. Their previous event was 1.5 months ago and it was for Elon Musk's family. And a few months prior they did an event for the Olympic Team.
That's it.
So it isn't like a weekly or daily thing that they do private events. Thus, my original concerns during the ideation phase were all valid.
For privacy reasons, I'll keep photos on my phone only and not post it here.
A huge special thanks to teamLabs for letting us experience this and granting us the memory of a lifetime. Seriously.
Lessons
- Don't focus on minutia before double-checking / making sure the high-level/high-leverage stuff is done very well first.
- Though minutia's very important after the high-level stuff. So you need both. Without minutia focus, the surprise can be easily ruined, destroying one of the main objectives. So perhaps I'm thinking about the photographer wrong; that is the minutia, and the higher leverage part is the details.